pouring my heart out in writing

When I'm experiencing great emotions, that's when my creative juices for writing come out.. At one point in my life some few years way back, I found my self in deep pain and frustration and viola! a few poems were materialized.

And I wanna share it ... Here goes me blabbing about my heartache... :)

Wind

Just when I was becoming strong…
Just when I started to be whole again…
A strong wind came and blew me off my balance
And no one was around to catch me…

I didn’t know what to do…
I couldn’t fight back the wind
I couldn’t stay standing either
That’s why I just allowed myself be blown away

And then it hit me
I was alone and not strong enough to stand my ground
I wasn’t whole enough to combat the strong wind
I thought I was, I thought I was already mended

But I wasn’t… I’m still the same old weak and broken me
I was just pretending to be fine, just pretending to be okay
But the truth is, I’m not
And it took a very strong wind to wake me up to that certain reality

I thought I should blame the wind but instead I should thank it
For hadn’t it came, I would never be freed from this illusion
The biggest lie I’ve told my self, that I’m good and fine
For the wind taught me more about life and about me...

FLING

You came into my life in an unexpected way
And for a long time I’ve never felt this way
I was really happy with what’s happening
I never really thought you were coming

I was telling my self that I would just enjoy the moment
That I wouldn’t fall too fast for my heart has just recovered from a torment
In that way I’m protecting myself from hurt and misery
So that for myself I wouldn’t feel sorry

But as the time passed, I’m beginning to like you
I’m starting to like the feeling that I have when I’m with you
You make me laugh and smile
And honestly I haven’t felt that in a while

It went on for days and to myself I was asking
Where could this be leading?
I was afraid to ask you what we are or what is this we have
And I just told myself this was way too early for love

But an unexpected turn happened
And it really was so sudden
You just became so cold
Could this be because you’re bored?

I didn’t see this coming
I wasn’t really expecting
My whole life made a full turn
Again I was left alone to burn

I don’t know why this keeps on happening to me
All I really wanted was to be appreciated deeply
Was this because you just wanted a fling?
Or what we had wasn’t the real thing?

Maybe you were just there to fill the emptiness
Or maybe just to distract me from my loneliness
There are lots of maybes and possibilities
But whatever I say this is just part of reality

Maybe you were just passing by
For some reason I don’t know why
Maybe just to teach me something
Or maybe you’re really just a fling…


Big Dismay

I lie awake crying myself to sleep
Hugging my pillow trying not to weep
I wonder why we ever got this way
Falling into pieces, just a big dismay

We were such a good team together
I thought that what we had was forever
Thinking of the future that’s what we would do
But baby now we just can’t continue

It’s so sad we have to end up like this
Your hugs and kisses I’ll always miss
But one thing that this break up has done to me
That’s to love myself and be free


Deep Slumber

When will I ever find you?
When will I ever have a glimpse of you?
I was long lost in this journey
When will you ever come and rescue me?

For years I’ve been waiting
When will you ever hear my calling?
All that’s been missing in my life is you
So that I won’t be forever blue

At night, I pray before I sleep
That somehow I would never ever weep
Awaken me from this deep slumber
And enclose me with your love forever…


Goodbye

Do I have to say that I hate you?
Do I have to say that I’m mad at you?
Can’t you see that I’m hurting?
Can’t you feel my longing?

You always take me for granted
And to stay away from you is all that I wanted
But no matter what I do
Everything reminds me of you

I know that it’s wrong for me to go on like this
But it’s you that I always miss
How can I stay away?
When you always know the right things to say

If only I had the guts to tell you
I know that these words of mine are true
And only these words can set me free
And maybe someday you could just let me be

Just let me be
And so you can save my heart from misery
We could really never be
So just bid goodbye from me

When will I be able to write stuff like these again? I hope the next time I can write poems again, it's not because of a heart ache... I wanna be inspired by a great emotion, and that is LOVE! :))